The Music Stole

I'm cheating again and posting stuff many of you have already seen. Sorry. FORGIVE ME! I promise there will be new stuff over Spring Break.*
*Promise is not actually valid.
But here. It's a sketch I wrote.

Superfluous narrator: [Jumps onstage] Hello! I am the superfluous narrator! Julia and Meredith are in the music store. Julia also has a bit of a speech impediment.
Julia: That’s a RYE! (lie). I can speak PULL-FECTRY (perfectly)!
Superfluous narrator: Sometimes, he switches L’s and R’s. She should probably see a DOCTOL (doctor) about that. [Pops offstage]
Julia: It’s Julian’s birthday in a couple months, and I FIGGLED (figured) I’d get him something music-related. It was that or something math-related, but I fear that would turn him into an inarticulate troglodyte.
Meredith: Yeah, you’re probably right. He’d be like, “Thanks for the present. I like numbauurrhs.”
Julia: [Imitating Meredith] Hehe. NUMBAULLS. But this leaves me with the PLOBREM (problem) of what to actually get.
Meredith: You should get him something he absolutely hates.
Julia: RIKE a LAP AIR BUM! (Like a rap album)
Meredith: I beg your pardon?
Julia: RIKE a LAP AIR BUM!
Meredith: Yes. Like a rap album.
Julia: I should get him that song that goes “The WHORE CRUB was ROOKING at HULL” (the whole club was looking at her).
Meredith: Do it. [Sings] “She hit the floor, next thing you know”
Julia: Shorty got ROW, ROW, ROW… (Low, low, low)
Meredith: Your boat, gently down the stream?
Julia: What the HERR are you talking about? But in all SILLYUSNESS (seriousness), what should I do? I won’t TOLL-CHUL (torture) him with LAP music. Instead, I could get him a mystery cd and I could LICK-LORE (Rick-roll) him!
Meredith: Uh, if you value your life, I would advise against Rick-rolling.
Julia: Then what do I do?
Meredith: You could just call him and ask what he wants.
Julia: I can’t do that! I want it to be a SUPPLIES! (surprise)
Meredith: Then why don’t you call Justin? He knows about music.
Julia: That’s a MALVEROUS PRAN! (marvelous plan) [looks at phone] Ugh, I hate my cell phone reception. I don’t have any BALLS! (bars)
Meredith: Woah, okay. Too much information.
Julia: I don’t even have to CAR (call) Justin. I know what he’ll say. He’ll say, “Get him some BEATERS!” (Beatles)
Meredith: Wait, like, egg beaters? What kind of present is that?
Julia: No! You know, the BEATERS. They sang that one song, HERP. Remember? “HERP! I need somebody—HERP! Not just anybody—HERP!”
Meredith: Ohhhh…Yeah, I don’t think he likes the Beatles. You could get him the Star Wars soundtrack. He likes Star Wars.
Julia: I love that movie! I love RUKE SKYWARKEL (Luke Skywalker). But I know he already has the Star Wars soundtrack. [Pauses to think, looks around] Hey, this store sells old LADY-O’S (radios)!
Meredith: What the hell is that? It sounds like some sort of erotic breakfast cereal. I would suggest not getting that for him.
Julia: No. [Points offstage] LADY-O’S.
Meredith: Ohh, I see. Why would he need a radio? Those are more obsolete than…stuff that’s really old.
Julia: LAWFUR COPTEL (roflcopter). ALLLG (arrrg), what do I get?
Meredith: You know, you’re really bad at getting people gifts.
Julia: It’s DIFFICURT! (difficult) It’s not my FART! (fault) Hmm, he’s also interested in politics. And Stephen Colbert has a PORITICAR (political) album out about this PLEASANT ERECTION (present election).
Meredith: What??
Julia: Wait, you don’t know about the ERECTION? You’re a TELLIBER (terrible) AMELICAN (American).
Meredith: Ohhh, no, I totally know about the present election. I just thought...never mind. Yeah, get him that.
Julia: Okay! HOLLAY! (Horray!) [Skips happily offstage]