Swordfish Steak

Up until a few days ago, I had no idea that you could say [pretty much any animal] + steak; I always thought steak applied exclusively to cows. So when the lovely Sabrina said "swordfish steak", I pictured this.

Winter Break

What you imagine you will do over break:
Get together with everyone you ever considered a friend since fifth grade. Discuss deep things about life and how college has been such an eye-opening experience. Do fun and exciting things.

Exercise away the fat from all those cookies you took from the dining hall. Feel accomplished and fit and less of a gluttonous blob of waddling flab.

Read every single book on your list. Including the long, intimidating ones. ESPECIALLY the long, intimidating ones. I mean, it's not like you have time to read them at school.

Undertake and complete a really ambitious and productive project. Like curing cancer or something.

What you actually did over break:

After spending about 3 hours reading through about 64*10 puns, EVERYTHING LOOKED LIKE PUNS. It was terrible. I went to my brother to complain--
Me: Aarg, I just read around 640 puns and now I'm being punished by being UNABLE to stop thinking of puns.
Him: *Sigh* What's the site?
Me: The sight? About 20/20.
Him: *Facepalm* Oh dear god.
Me: What? I've heard of a human god, even an elephant god, but a DEER GOD?
Him: Get out.

So then for some reason I came up with this:

Abundance: this means a lot to me.
Acreage: this means a lot to me.
Apportion: this means allot to me.

And this http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html, of course, means alot to me.

Creepiness Vs. Fuzziness

Allow me to explain.

Men: People are inherently somewhat creepy, no matter how fuzzy they are. But think about it--your clean-shaven neighbor? Not very creepy.
This guy? Kinda creepy.
Sasquatch? Pretty darn creepy.

Women: Again, people are creepy. But thanks to the tedious restrictions we call social norms, fuzzy females are frequently found freakishly frightful. See? Though I'm sure the beard doesn't help.

Bread: Normal, non-terrifying bread looks like this:
Creepy, five-decade-old bread looks like this. If your bread looks like this, DO NOT EAT IT:
Dogs: Moderately fuzzy = REALLY ADORABLE.
Really fuzzy = Less adorable. Although to be fair, this does look more like a furry turkey dinner than a dog.
Completely hairless = CREEPY. Interesting relevant fact: Chinese Crested dogs, a hairless breed of dog, have won the World's Ugliest Dog contest 7 years in a row since 2002.
Toilets: I don't think an illustration here is necessary.

Attaching Magnets to Squirrels at the Park

You know how sometimes when you just think about something, it makes you giggle like an hysterical hyena on hallucinogens?
Yes. Yes you do.
Well, one of those somethings for me is imagining affixing magnets to squirrels, and bringing an incredibly strong magnet to the park. And making the squirrels FLY THROUGH THE AIR.

Well This Explains My Insomnia...

Beauty

Goodness. Each panel has something that makes me wince. Ugh. I think I'm going to try to stick to cute pictures from now on.

The "Dislike" Button

Moral of the story: dear masses, shut up. Thank you.

Putting Massive Sweatshirts to Good Use

You should really try it sometime. You have to make the chirpy dolphin noises too.
Also, apparently, I have strange, dolphin-y pants.

Why Commas Are Important

is very different from


The moral here is that commas are important. USE THEM WISELY.

Exclamation Points

Strawberry-Related Demotivation

Intro to Computer Science

My introduction to computer science was at age 14 when my mom taught me how to program. At the beginning, I was really confused. I was like, "Okay, I can do English pretty well. Spanish is coming along. But THIS. This language is made of CONFUSION." Keep in mind I was only 14-ish at the time (although I probably would have reacted the exact same way had I learned it today).

So it took me a while to get the hang of it, but eventually I realized just how awesome programming was and how important and powerful it made me feel. Why? Allow me to expand upon this point.
Not like that.

1. I realized I got to tell the computer exactly what to do. It's basically like having a slave, but without all the moral and ethical turmoil. You can be like, And it will be like
or
but let's ignore that for the sake of my argument.

2. Variables and functions can be called WHATEVER YOU WANT THEM TO BE.



But I had stopped listening after "Yes". I was already so incredibly excited I decided I had to test it out for myself, using the most ridiculous names I possibly could to make the most simple functions.
(Let's pretend I was programming in Python, even though I really wasn't.)

def purpleelephant(skullduggery, gardyloo):
... absquatulation = skullduggery+ gardyloo
... print(absquatulation)
... return absquatulation




I had gone mad with variable- and function-naming power. Somehow, naming a function purpleelephant() gave me an incredible sense of herculean power and glee. Physically I was weaker than a gerbil made of jello, so I took full advantage of any opportunity I had to feel competent.

YAY for badly photoshopped jello rodents!
Anyway...
I was unstoppable! The world was at my feet! I could name anything! I assume my mom made a mental note to never let me name my own children.

Yujia's "Writing a Paper Is Not a Challenge. Think of It as a Chemical Reaction!"

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So you see, writing an essay is like a chemical reaction. Your thesis contains a vague overview of the reactants and the product, and the rest of the paper is YOU trying to synthesize all your reactants into your product.

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Okay, Yujia. I am really sorry. I promised I would make this about the essay/reaction analogy, but I TOTALLY got carried away by the giraffe thing.

Kicking Final Butt

Those of you with finals still to come: I BELIEVE IN YOU. And in your butt-kicking abilities.